Twadpockle
The inclusive slur that saves humanity
The word “twadpockle” invokes the most insulting, vile, abusive, degrading, offensive, harmful label that could possibly be applied to the listener by the speaker. It incorporates their respective characteristics, subcultures, and ALL other context.
Example
“I can’t believe you stole the baby’s candy! You’re a REAL twadpockle!!”
Pronunciation
“Twadpockle” is designed to be spat with derision.
Follow the “T” with a sharp puff of air. Roughly, “Tuh-wad-pockle.”
What Label Does “Twadpockle” Actually Invoke?
“Twadpockle” seeks the listener’s deepest vulnerability, automatically adjusting for every characteristic—internal or external, conscious or subconscious, socially recognized or not. Even if it has no conventional label, “twadpockle” finds it and serves as its label.
Although neither the listener nor the speaker knows for certain what label has been invoked, they both know it’s at least as bad as the worst one they can think of.
Detailed Example
Say I have purple skin. For shameful historical reasons, our culture has a term “purp” which equates a purple-skinned person with a thief of other people’s feces. Becoming frustrated with me during an argument, you say, “Wow, you’re a COMPLETE twadpockle!!”
Though you imagine you’ve called me a “purp,” I have a much deeper vulnerability: my chronic failure at tying my shoes, for which I was traumatized throughout childhood much worse than I ever was for my skin. Even though our culture has no slur for failed shoe-tiers, “twadpockle” follows my trauma and takes on that meaning.
What neither of us realizes is that you have actually called me an “equestrienne,” our hypothetical culture’s term for a male who craves the submissively feminine feeling he gets from riding a horse. Though I have never ridden a horse and am not consciously aware of this proclivity, it happens that I would be devastatingly ashamed of it, and it is my truly deepest vulnerability. “Twadpockle” homes in on it like a guided missile and harms me even more than I’ll ever know.
Violence
Is “twadpockle” violence?
YES, “twadpockle” is ALWAYS violence.
Should We Say “The T word” To Protect the Listener?
It is not necessary to say “the T word,” because “twadpockle” itself is already a stand-in for the real word. We will not write the real word here. It has never been written or uttered. Actually, no one knows what it is.
Since everyone is a twadpockle by definition, everyone has the indigenous right to say it.
Even though “twadpockle” is not the real word, most people don’t know this, so you should protect them by always saying “the T word.” However, since everyone is a twadpockle by definition, everyone has the indigenous right to say it.
What If We Are All Saying the Real Word and Just Don’t Know It?
Some people worry that the real word might be “the” or “pancake” or something so common that we have all been inadvertently leading lives of untold violence. Since there is nothing we can do about that, experts suggest that it is hopefully not true but recommend frequent self-repentance just in case.
How “Twadpockle” Helps Society
“Twadpockle” strikes a bargain, a truce, between abuser and victim. It promises the abuser more destructive power, targeting even the most secret vulnerabilities, in exchange for shielding the victim from the specific label that would have been invoked.
In a “twadpockle” exchange, the party with the deepest vulnerability loses, but because the actual vulnerabilities are unknown, both parties can imagine that they won.
It also helps society when you say or write “the T word” instead of “twadpockle.”
How Do We Treat People Who Say “Twadpockle”?
It depends on whether we hate them more than their victim.
Other Forms
“Fleegan twadpockle” invokes the same label as “twadpockle” but with much greater severity. The truly deplorable are known to spit both words with a scowl for maximum violence.
“Twippin pockle (pockel)” can be used interchangeably with “fleegan twadpockle.”
“Twopple” is a shortened form popular in lowland regions.
Fluent speakers pick the form that flows best in context. Some speakers find it equally effective to utter made-up syllables with the same spitting, derisive tone.
Origin
Twadpockler, antiquated form: one who pockles any passing twad.
Pockler, pockeler: shortened forms no longer in use.
Pockel: archaic spelling.
The original meaning of “pockle” (pockel) has been lost.
Don’t even ask about “twad.”