Jimi Hendrix endorses Flag Burning Amendment
Generously calls Kaepernick's gesture "variation on the theme"
Earlier this week, officials for the New Flag Burning Amendment of 2023 announced an endorsement from the late vintage rock guitarist Jimi Hendrix.
Hendrix is world famous for his iconic rendition of the United States national anthem “The Star Spangled Banner” as a rock guitar solo, live at the closing act of the Woodstock music festival in 1969, wearing beaded red, white, and blue "hippie" attire and flashing a peace symbol.
“I am proud to join this movement with my patriot brother Colin Kaepernick,” said the late Hendrix in a statement released Wednesday. “I was glorifying the red, white, and blue over fifty years ago—it all swirled around me like a purple haze—and to be honest I think we had something of a lull since then, but now Kaepernick has reignited the flag, so to speak, and so I’m saying to him, you know, let me stand next to your fire.”
Though critics have wondered about the message of Hendrix’s edgy, discordant national anthem performance amid protests of the Vietnam War, the late rock star reiterates what he said (for real) just three weeks after his 1969 performance: “We’re all Americans … it was like ‘Go America!’… We play it the way the air is in America today. The air is slightly static, see.” [2]
Critics also have wondered whether Hendrix’s famous burning of a guitar during another live performance might be taken as a “dog whistle” to burn flags. “Nah, nah,” says the late Hendrix. “See, when you burn a guitar, you set a righteous blaze.”
Other critics speculate that it may qualify as a sort of occult sacrifice or wicked spell, noting that it was “mostly violent,” to which the late Hendrix responds with a shrug and a nod, “I mean, I did get rowdy up there, just having fun, but it’s not like I burned a cross, or a goat, or a candle. Did the old priests hate goats? Do you hate candles? Let me know when you figure out the crosses.”
The late Hendrix praises Kaepernick, a former NFL quarterback, for perennially bending the knee to the United States flag, which he generously calls “a variation on the theme” of his own efforts. “If [Kaepernick] was standing over there right now,” says the late rocker indulgently, “I would say, you know, 'scuse me while I kiss this guy.”
As for current events, the late Hendrix is puzzled by modern progressive fans, some of whom were literally in the Woodstock audience, now vindictively cheering the latest global war as it consumes the faceless youth of faraway places. With visible concern, he remarks, “Lately things just don’t seem the same.”
Having served briefly under duress as a paratrooper for the U.S. Army’s 101st Airborne Division [3], the late Hendrix claims he did his duty and is just glad he was able to move on and create beauty for the world with his guitar, noting that but for a twist of fate and the sour integrity of his sergeant, he might have been explosively dismembered, vaporized, or burned alive in the jungles of southeast Asia [4] instead of revolutionizing rock ’n’ roll and headlining the Woodstock music festival.
“He has no interest whatsoever in the Army … It is my opinion that Private Hendrix will never come up to the standards required of a soldier. I feel that the military service will benefit if he is discharged as soon as possible.”
—platoon sergeant, James C. Spears (for real)Hendrix was granted a general discharge June 29, 1962 under honorable conditions. [3]
The late Hendrix was recently seen leaving a costume store, where he purchased a mask with a striking resemblance to the face of his new NFL compatriot, according to sources familiar with the claim. This has led to speculation that he may put in an appearance this Halloween on the neighborhood streets of his home in Renton, Washington [5], wearing the Kaepernick mask in tribute.
When asked how he came to be summoned back for this new chapter of his storied life, the late Hendrix replies wistfully, “Whatever it is, that [flag] put a spell on me.”
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Watch to the end, twadpockle.
Notes
1. Photo used by Wikipedia under historical Fair Use, copyright holder unknown. Photo used here under transformative Fair Use as historical commentary.
2. Cross, Charles R. (2005). Room Full of Mirrors: A Biography of Jimi Hendrix. Hyperion. ISBN 978-0-7868-8841-2. Via Wikipedia [3].
3. Jimi Hendrix, Military Service, Wikipedia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimi_Hendrix#Military_service
4. As the dad of a draft-age son who mostly wants to take apart cars and put them back together, and sometimes date girls, I could not help seeing this video as him and his friends living out a compulsory nightmare in the woods that I can only call “child abuse.” It actually made me cry. “The rockets’ red glare” had always meant to me cartoon minutemen, not this. I wonder what Hendrix thought of when he played that part.
5. Grave of Jimi Hendrix, RoadsideAmerica.com.
https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/17559
Apologies for the broken YouTube links in the email version of this post. I really tested them all before publishing, and they all worked. A few didn't work for me later though, from the email version in my inbox. I don't know why, just YouTube weirdness?