UPDATE: Onboarding overhaul is done!

Regular content to resume

Greetings, pockles.

I have finished overhauling the onboarding pages to convey The Twadpockle Report’s vision in one cohesive flow.

Below is the text of the “Welcome email” that goes out to new subscribers. If you subscribed a while ago, this is pretty different than the generic email you got.

Since they can subscribe at any point in the onboarding flow, the email serves as an outline with links to whatever they haven’t seen yet. I will let it be your guide to the new content.

Thanks for waiting through this overhaul period.

The crew is deep underground right now, spinning up the Twadpockle Narrative Collider so our adventures can resume!

---

Welcome, twadpockle!

Welcome to The Twadpockle Report!

You will start receiving new posts right here in your inbox. All posts (and more!) are also available at www.twadpocklereport.com.

Start here

Make sure you have seen these, so you are ready to jump in:

• Welcome post explains the basics.

• About page has more details if you are still curious.

FAQ (in case you didn’t read those links)

Q: Why are you such a COMPLETE twadpockle?
A: I was born this way. You probably were too.

Q: What is all this about?
A: I am telling scrambled stories to raise discernium and save humanity. This will make more sense if you read those links.

Q: How does that save humanity?
A: It reassures all twadpockles that we have nothing to fear and nothing to hide, once we stop compulsively chasing Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval.

Q: What is Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval, and why does it keep slipping through my fluffy paws just when I think I’ve pounced right onto it?
A: It’s not real. You can’t catch it. Whoever is pointing it is not very nice.

Q: Can we still hide stuff if we want?
A: Yes. I do.

Housekeeping

Remember to check your spam folder and Promotions tab if new posts are not showing up in your inbox. To make sure your email service keeps delivering them, consider adding this email address to your address book and/or marking it as “not spam.”

Thank you for subscribing!

Please tell a few friends… but only if they are COMPLETE twadpockles.