The Twadpockle Report is on a mission to rescue meaning from the stories and symbols of mass culture.
By colliding high-energy beams of narrative and anti-narrative, we produce…
Scrambled stories to save humanity
How It Works
The Twadpockle Report’s scrambled stories are beamed to your device on demand, where their narrative pixels are tokenized and displayed at a frequency visible only to your subconscious mind. As you begin to read, your limbic system unscrambles the story logarithmically, releasing discernium ions, which are highly reactive and bond to your crown chakra immediately. Once the discernium crosses the blood-brain barrier, the rest happens automatically, and meaning is safely rescued.
When a twadpockle has begun to read scrambled stories, the next step is to stop compulsively chasing Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval.
Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval
Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval shines on you when you wear the right shoes, listen to the right music, and hate the right people.
People often think they have “made it” when Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval has shined on them for a while. They become convinced that it is following them and that they will never again be lonely.
But these are deceptions. The three things to remember about Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval are:
It’s not real.
You can’t catch it.
Whoever is pointing it is not very nice.
Letting go of Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval
When first letting go of Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval, twadpockles often feel a mild emptiness behind their tummies.
This is “epistemic disorientation,” a feeling of doubt about which information to trust, experts to obey, heroes to worship, and villains to hate, without Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval marking them for us any longer.
The cure is to exercise the discernment muscles, a thin but tough braid of tissue supporting the spine, often atrophied in consumers of mass media who have relied for many years on Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval to point the way. Pointing our own spines is like playing piano keys by alternating our ring fingers and pinkies, or like gaining control of our potty muscles when we were toddlers. It is tricky, but everyone can do it.
It should come as no surprise that discernment muscle tissue thrives on discernium. Also, twadpockles quickly pack on slabs of beefy discernment muscle by
Scrambling a story to see how its truth is affected, if at all,
Labeling what we see without Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval marking it for us,
Pointing our own laser dot somewhere else to see what happens,
Questioning the questions before leaping to answer them,
Provoking our narratives to see how they fight back,
Swinging upside-down on the Epistemology Bars™.
The Epistemology Bars™?
Yes. Twadpockles swing on the Epistemology Bars™, in this order:
Bar #1: Discernment, inputs
Choice of what to look at and why, and how to interpret it,
Formerly surrendered to Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval,
Plays “chicken & egg” with Bar #2 below.
Bar #2: Perspective
Choice of angle to look from and why,
Also formerly surrendered to Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval,
Plays “chicken & egg” with Bar #1 above.
Bar #3: Thinking
Choice of principles to apply to Bars #1 and #2,
Often tightly constrained by Bars #1 and #2,
Where our school lessons typically begin,
The confines in which mass culture offers “freedom” and “debate.”
Bar #4: Narrative, conclusion, opinion
The meaning we finally assign to all of it,
What to do about it,
The least stable part of all,
To be held lightly, changed often, but used firmly when needed.
Am I just trading Mass Approval for Twadpockle Approval?
Nope. I promise to ignore your opinions if you promise to ignore mine.
Opinion is the very lowest Epistemology Bar™. But twadpockles do admire bulging discernment muscles (Bar #1), so keep swinging.
B-b-but there is only one truth, and the experts are already pointing Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval at it, and all the bad experts are sneaking around with misinformation, so isn’t it dangerous to be epistemically swinging—
Maybe do some stretches first.
More benefits of subscribing to The Twadpockle Report
Become a “narrative whisperer,”
Develop verbal X-ray vision so words cannot hide things,
Have nothing to fear and nothing to hide once you stop chasing Teh Laser Dot of Mass Approval,
See how mass culture was the original AI,
Discover how we are all being used as human shields, and stop playing along,
Crack the code of meaning and culture with Awareness Recursion Theory (ART),
See how power comes from obstructing a natural force—and that force is often us!
Discover your twadpockle self and come home to solidarity and mutual forgiveness,
Free yourself from cultural supremacy (both sides of it),
Help save humanity, one twadpockle at a time.
What is a twadpockle, anyway?
Pretend you’re out on Twitter—or whatever you call your favorite mass culture firehose—and someone has called you a COMPLETE twadpockle.
Then feel gratitude in your heart, for they have invited you to receive the grace of your twadpockle self. Click on their link (twadpockle.com), and let the magic happen. Be sure to “pay it forward” to the next twadpockle.
What’s in The Twadpockle Report?
Contrarian mind candy (the healthy kind),
Villain swap, victim swap (heads explode!),
Easter eggs, riddles, and scavenger hunts,
Fact checks: real, fake, and Pyrrhic,
Made-up words defined to make us always right (because that’s how power works now),
Awareness Recursion Theory (ART): the science of meaning,
Narricide: KILL your narrative before it kills you!
Critical math (yup),
Aftercare for human shields,
Stories for friends, the rest of a midnight phone call.
Updates are posted weekly, usually Monday morning.
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Read the Twadpockle Report.
Enjoy scrambled stories.